On December 10th of my Sophomore year at Hayward
High, I turned 15. I missed all of the
football season with that ankle injury skateboarding in the Safeway parking lot
on Foothill Blvd. Coach Clark
recommended that I pick up a Spring season spot to get me ready for the next
year. I think he thought I would do
shot-put or something on the track team.
All my buddies (Aaron, Aaron, Darin, David & Ben) all signed up for
the Badminton team. I’m not sure who
found out first, but one of them got word that the team needed men because it
was full of women. So, yes, I made the
decision to sign-up just to be on a team surrounded by women in shorts. I had never even kissed a girl yet, I just
wanted to increase my chances.
About 4 weeks into the season, I got my wish and my first
awkward, embarrassing kiss. She was
sweet and lived one bus stop past my stop.
I’d get up earlier in the morning (a huge feat of discipline and
self-control for a teenager) just so I could walk to her stop so we could ride
the bus together one stop longer. I’d do
the same after practice. We were two
people with the whole world open to us.
Our relationship was based on nothing except hanging out and
kissing. Her friends convinced her to
dump me (she told me) because I was occupying so much of her time (my
assumption). It did not crush me, I was ready
to move on and find another girl to kiss.
At this point, I had completely fallen away from
church. My mom stopped trying to get me
to go with her on Sunday. She always
went faithfully. I slept in. My special Bible (1st Communion
present) sat collecting dust on my bookshelf – unread. I lost my way. I had skateboarding, girls, and a new
football season coming up, what did I need God and guilt for? I didn’t give God another thought.
That summer halfway through 2-a-days for the next football
season, a senior introduced me to a girl from another school. Shortly afterward we violated the law of
chastity. We became one flesh and that
bond is so strong. Our relationship was
based on nothing but fleshly lust and neither of us minded. It became a steep slippery slope of
debauchery. At ne point, I brought up
the topic of marriage, but she talked me out of it saying that my mom would
never approve of a girl like her. I believed
her. My “first” haunts my soul to this
day. It’s like frosting too sweet on a
moldy cake. It’ is so enticing, but
leaves nothing but regret afterward.
I think she would still talk to me if I knew how to contact
her. I don’t know what I’d tell her – we
never should have? I’d tell her about my
transformation and the new direction I’m moving. I’m not perfect (no one is), but I know the
path to righteousness. I’ve got many,
many miles to go ( and to back track over
repenting & paying restitution).
My life may not be long enough to fully reconcile with those I’ve
hurt. Regardless, I’ve got to try. Even with her.
That fall I played Varsity – Left Guard. I loved to pull and
crush linebackers who dared to tackle my tailback. The Farmers went undefeated
for the first time in a long while.
Coach Clark told me he was surprised by me since this was the first
season I played. I attributed my success
to Badminton! All that “short work”,
with footwork on the tiny court in that fast game that requires you to read
& anticipate your opponent’s moves, translated into me being raster within
5 yards than anyone big. And if you
weren’t big, then I could put one paw on you and make a giant hole for the back
to run. Winning feels great.
I wish I would have given God the credit for all those
wins. None of the guys on the team
showed faith. They were like me –
success trumps the need for help. It as
pride and pride lasts a while until the fall.
This year burned “ends justify means” into my mental preferences. It would only get worse in years to
come.
When I was 15, I was in love, but lost and full of
pride. A Christian walk and success are
not mutually exclusive, one can succeed in this life as well as the next. All we have to do is follow God’s Word and
give Him the credit. When we thank him, we humble ourselves. If we do not humble ourselves, then we are
subject to be humbled by Him (see Alma 32:16) the humble are blessed.
God bless you, Buddy.
I hope you have a Happy Birthday.
I love you, always.
Love, Dad
